Being the Jewish part of an interfaith family isn’t without its challenges. Especially when, like me, being the Jewish influence in my family is because I converted after I was married. My paternal great-grandmother was Jewish, but because that part of our family’s identity was hidden over the years, most of my Jewish practice is based on what I’ve found personally meaningful through research and thoughtful engagement like many Reform Jews. One thing that this circumstance means for my family is that my son doesn’t have any grandparents or other extended relatives who identify as Jewish. Normally, this isn’t a huge deal. I’m a big believer in finding and building my Jewish community as a sort of “found family” (friends who may not be related by blood, but who act like family). However, it does make the winter holidays a bit tricky to navigate. While we do celebrate a secular, low-key Christmas in my house, we try to make Hanukkah the bigger deal. However, when gifts arrive from extended family, they tend to arrive closer to Christmas than Hanukkah and the expectation is that those gifts be opened on Christmas morning. So, even though we celebrate Hanukkah with one gift per night, Christmas still tends to have more presents at once for my son. Another obstacle is that while I do have some fondness for the Hanukkah specials I grew up with (shout out to fellow ’90s kids who grew up watching the Rugrats special), most of the music and media geared toward Hanukkah don’t have the same nostalgic value to me as my instrumental Christmas CDs and the Christmas specials I grew up watching. Like most of my Jewish journey, the ways we celebrate winter holidays are something I and my partner evaluate on a regular basis. While some things remain constant (Hanukkah is emphasized as the more important cultural holiday while Christmas is a more low-key, secular holiday), other aspects have changed over the years. In the wake of moving to a completely new city several states away from my family, I’ve found myself needing the familiarity and nostalgia I get from instrumental Christmas music and Christmas movies (though I do steer clear of overtly religious Christmas media as much as possible). I worry that if I compromise too much, my son will grow up without a strong sense of his Jewish identity. Aside from participating in my local Jewish community, I’m planning to enroll my son in Jewish day school when he’s old enough. I also prioritize finding opportunities that will help expand both his and my Jewish knowledge. However, the worry of not doing enough to nurture my child’s Jewish identity tends to rear its head the most right around the holiday season (which I know is a worry for other Jewish parents). I can’t say that I have all the answers to this conundrum, or even that what’s working this year will be what works next year. However, I can share a few guidelines that have helped me as I navigate my Jewish journey:
  1. Find a community and build your own “found family.”
  2. When possible, incorporate old family traditions into your celebrations. At my house, this takes the form of using my mom’s gingerbread recipe to make Hanukkah-themed cookies.
  3. Accept that there’s no such thing as being the “perfect Jew.” Instead, find what’s meaningful to you and move forward from there.
  4. Remember that no matter how you choose to observe the holidays (or Judaism, for that matter) make sure that what you’re doing fills your cup rather than drains it.
Wishing you and yours happy holidays and Chag Hanukkah Sameach!